Lately I have been thinking about her; my very first secondary school crush. Once I had the most beautiful dream ever and that was a picture of both of us walking together as partners only to wake up to get smacked back to reality.

Before Bendemeer Secondary, I was at First Toa Payoh for a year. It was only in 2001 that I transferred over because I hated the fact that I needed to wake up extremely early as I needed to take 2 buses just to reach the school.

Let’s call her J. She was very outgoing and fun loving, always up for any challenge. Once we had this football game, she did not hesitate and was one of the very few girls who actually dared to play with us boys. Usually they would end up screaming and then running away from the ball once they kicked it, but not her. I still remembered that she was a forward and I on the other hand was quietly cheering on for her.

During class, whenever her eraser falls to the side where my table is positioned, I would always pick it up for her. Whenever I did that, I just felt exhilarated, like as though a dream of mine had came true. Though it was no more than a friendly helpful gesture, I loved that feeling. The thrill which comes with doing anything for the girl you like.

The last time I saw her was during the year end class barbecue. The top she wore looked great on her too. My last form of interaction was her selecting a huge load of food and personally gave it to me, at that time I really felt happy, to have her give me her attention and concern. But the end of the barbecue spelt the end of our affinity or did it?

I really regretted not having the courage to ask her out or get her mobile before I left the school. And just like that, I lost contact with her. However in 2002, I accompanied my then girlfriend to get back a CD from her friend whom goes to the same tuition class as her. Strangely enough, her friend bore the same name as J, stayed in the same area and looked almost exactly as how I would picture her a year down the road. But I wasn’t sure enough. That was the closest I came to finding her.

I refused to give up, I kept on finding ways to contact her again and 5 years down the road I finally managed it. I found her though several levels of networking in Friendster. She looked amazing but pity she has one lucky boyfriend.

If I could turn the sands of time, I would have pursued her. Who knows what would have happened then?